Last weekend I had the honour of attending Teens Unite's An Opulent Tale where I was also asked to do a speech about my cancer story and what Teens Unite means to me. Before this I struggled to talk about my cancer It's still hard for me to accept I've even had cancer, in the space of less than 9 months I was diagnosed, treated and cured of cancer, 9 months sounds like a long time and while having treatment it felt like the longest 9 months of my life but it's nothing really when trying to accept a cancer diagnosis. I didn't want to talk about it, it was constantly on my mind anyway so when friends and family visited I wanted to be distracted rather than reminded. But doing a speech is different, it's an opportunity, an opportunity for people to understand how hard it is living with cancer, an opportunity to understand that living with cancer isn't just about hospitals, hair loss and throwing up. An opportunity for the other teens to relate to what I was going through and a reminder that they aren't alone. An opportunity to push myself further and do things I wouldn't usually do, despite what my family and close friends would say I'm actually quite a shy person, more of a listener than speaker so really the though of me doing a speech in a room of over about 500 people about my battle cancer probably should be my worst nightmare. Despite being ridiculously nervous not once did I think twice about doing the speech or consider dropping out, I wanted to prove to myself that I'm no longer the shy one who'd just float about in the background, this was my time to share my story and raise awareness and money for a charity that means so much to me. Doing the speech was a blur, a crazy, surreal blur, I honestly can't remember what I said or if I said everything I was supposed to. Before hand I put a stupid amount of pressure on myself to learn as much as my speech as I could, being dyslexic I hated the thought of reading out loud off cue cards publicly and can barely read never mind read out loud, I don't know why I tried to learn my speech because there was nothing to learn. This was my story, I'll never forget the day I was diagnosed or all the treatment I had or the day I was told I was in remission, no one could tell me I told my story wrong, it was for me to tell. I wasn't the only one telling my story and was genuinely moved by Harry's, Georgia's and David's story especially David's, going through cancer is such a personal and lonely experience sometime you forget the effect it can have on your parents and how it is for them seeing their baby go through such a cruel illness at such a young age, David's son Elliot had recently completed the Children In Need Rickshaw Challenge covering 470 miles in 8 days and hearing David's story was so moving and the hug between them at the end of his speech had me and most of the room in bits. One of the few things that kept me sane during my treatment was my love for sport and it was an honour to have the opportunity to talk to Lewis Moody about my cancer as well as rugby, another weird and surreal blur but I'll never forget the conversation we had, when I was so unwell after chemo watching rugby and unable to function properly I couldn't imagine having the opportunity to talk to a World Cup winner. The night was an amazing night and huge success for the charity raising £86, 342.00 and a night I'll never forget, to be surrounded by my cancer family and knowing I can do things I wouldn't usually do was an amazing feeling. So thank you for an unforgettable experience, believing in me and giving me the opportunity to do so much more than just tell my story.
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This week I went to Prestwick in Scotland to do something I've always wanted to do, learn guitar.
I went with Clic Sargent's music workshop and spent the week writing songs with Lucy Spraggan and downing endless glasses of wines and glitter bombs, which taste like Christmas, with Simon Rix from the Kaiser Chiefs. It was a surreal week and the memories, friendships and three chords to AC/DC's Back in Black will stay with me forever. I was reminded of why I love music so much in the first place and why it's important. I had no expectations from this week, I literally only just started learning the guitar, can't sing, never written a song, what was I even doing here to be honest? 5 days later I've realised that my high school art teacher was wrong and I've got three graffiti canvases to prove it, I can wing it and pretend I know how to play Stand by Me on guitar and It's actually very easy to write a song getting inspiration from a yo-yo although my favourite achievement has to be actually learning how to use a yo-yo, 21 years of frustration and I can finally do it! One thing that surprised me was the social side of it, The Prestwick Pioneer probably hasn't made so much money in one week, it felt like being back at uni again and I felt like my old drunk uni self again, whether that's a good or bad thing I'm not sure yet. No one spoke about their cancer, we were just young people getting drunk and making music which is how it should be and something I definitely needed. Every person I met was amazing and I'll forever be their Yo-Yo. It's crazy how quick you can make attachments with people, I spent the journey to Prestwick convinced I was being stalked only to end up making a really close and special friend in Jen and deciding to get Yo Yo tattoos and booking to go to a load of gigs up and down the country. Music is a universal language which we can all understand it can help us through the worst times of our lives or take us back to those happy memories, we've all got an inner musician in us whether that's shredding to Black Sabbath's Paranoid or just shaking along with a maraca, we can all do something, it's just about discovering that talent and working harder every day and getting better. I've fell in love with music all over again. The music workshop inspired me so much I went for it and bought my own guitar as soon as I got home. and I'm still waiting for my neighbour to start complaining about my skills. I've never been one to be held back and when the doctor told me I can't go back to work or uni for a year and I need to focus on recovering I was scared that I'd watch everyone else was moving forward and I'd be held back and I'll be honest and say I struggle every day with the mental side effects of cancer and being a cancer patient but now I've been inspired and ready for the challenge of learning guitar, my fingers are still sore but I'm determined now more than ever to unleash my inner Angus Young and actually be good at it so thank you Clic Sargent for having me on your music workshop and thank you to the mentors and all the others that were there for motivating and inspiring me everyday. |